i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
