Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
