Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
