the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
