Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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