she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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