what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
