I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
