He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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