You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
