Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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