i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
