help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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