don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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