he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
