i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
