Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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