I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
