life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's never too late to be topless.
As shirtless as possible
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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