I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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