I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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