hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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