the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
