Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
