Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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