You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
