I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was born a porn star she said
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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