when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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