Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
