I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
