i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
