HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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