Only a mothe r could love this liver
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
