You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
