So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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