I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
