she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
