oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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