i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
