My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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