Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
