Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
