He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
