I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
