I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
