I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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