don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
