it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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