who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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