she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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