so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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