You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
