i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
