You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize