I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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