Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
