And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
