Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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