you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dicks are not precious.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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