Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
