I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
