ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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