She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
