Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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