you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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