he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
