dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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