Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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