i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
