you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
