i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
