On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
