i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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