yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
