u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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