two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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