his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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