I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
MIDGETS
????
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
