Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
