Umm I'm too high to move.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
