Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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