Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
