Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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