Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
