so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
